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Posted by chevas | Leave a comment at the end of this post.Bear with me as I build up to the discussion around racketeering.
Much of the world hates marriage. It is under constant attack. This matters because a healthy and vibrant marriage is the closest life experience that we humans have to understanding how God loves us through Christ. There are several descriptions and guidelines for marriage in the Bible, but behold this one in particular from Ephesians:
- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church [emphasis added]. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5:25-33
Allow me to briefly take a generalized account of marriage throughout the world. Marriage is the intended context for sex by God (”the two shall become one flesh” is Bible lingo for sex), yet large portions of the whole world, and particularly the USA, are super-charged sexually in most aspects of daily life, including conversation, media, advertising, entertainment, and so on, all of which lack discretion and any portrayal of marriage as the context for sex. The porn industry is colossal. In France and parts of Europe, it’s much more socially acceptable to have a mistress. In the Muslim world, women have no rights. Muslim women are not loved sacrificially or loved by men as if they were loving their own bodies as described above in Ephesians. Just this week a Saudi judge ruled that it was legal for a 45+ year old man to marry an 8 year old girl, in order to settle the girl’s father’s debt, as long as the husband waited to have sexual relations with her until puberty is onset. A major WTF is in order. Women’s rights are also lacking in India and hindu culture. There’s some good to be said for marriage arrangements, but I disagree with the lack of choice in the matter, particularly from the to-be wife. Japan has some pretty twisted and disturbing perspectives around sex. Exposure to some kinds of manga and anime will reveal some nasty shit.
All of these topics probably deserve in-depth discussion as they are all tragic and important. Many of us are overcomers. We have been down some of these tragic paths, but seek to achieve a lasting healthy marriage. Some of us may be embarking on marriage soon and want to do it well from the start. Some of us have great hopes to meet someone and have a healthy vibrant marriage in the future. We desire to overcome all of the world’s obstacles of marriage perversions and through marriage we might get a glimpse of the profound nature of God’s remarkable and overwhelming love for His people. Bless all of you! Let the wedding plans begin!
That will be $20,000 please.
WTF? $4,000 to rent our event center for a night…a NIGHT. Oh, you want to have the ceremony here too? That will be an additional $1500, but that includes setup and cleanup. 
By the way, we only allow you to use 1 of the 4 following caterers. The cheapest of the 4 charges $35.50 per person, but a minimum charge of $5000. There’s that automatic 20% mystery fee. Two bartenders are required, each are $25.00 / hour. Attire, decorations, flowers, DJ/msuic, cake? Gotta have cake! (That’s what the tape was sayin’).
I call shenanigans on the whole wedding industry! We finally make it this far, overcoming the rest of the world’s garbage, just to be exploited…nickeled and dimed into debt? Damn, it’s almost easier to just wait and save money, risking burning with passion or living together……which is what many of us end up doing. No big deal right?
NO! This world is so fallen. If the world loved marriage, you’d get the wedding discount. Everything would be at cost and marriage would be encouraged. “You guys are ready? Great! The sooner the better! How can we help?” Unfortunately this isn’t the case. It’s better to have 10 people at your wedding, or order pizza and have it at your friend’s house, or a backyard, than to spend gob-loads of cash you don’t have to make “the perfect day”. How about seeking after a “rich life of marriage” vs. “the perfect day”?
The wedding racket is a much more subtle and sinister attack on marriage. It isn’t blatant, it’s just a distraction to have you put-off or compromise your integrity in order to achieve “the perfect day”. If any of you have ideas to circumvent the wedding racket, please share!
You’re just mad because you already spent $20,000.00 on your wife, + shipping and handling.
Haha! I didn’t even think to mention the mail-order bride industry.
[...] The antecedent post at FaithFoundry is here. [...]
You have some really good points that counterbalance my perspective. Some of the “premiums for the compensation of risk inherent in the hope” of the couple to create the perfect day make sense, but I still believe gross overcharging occurs. For instance, the wedding venue that doesn’t offer any additional services. They simply are opening the doors for you to use, you take care of the rest. Many of these places charge insanely high prices for a single night, but would otherwise not.
I really like how you point out, however, that many risk compensation premiums are simply sellers’ responses to the couples belief that they actually need to have a perfect day. Therefore, they DEMAND perfection. In order to achieve perfection, sellers require high prices for the “in case shit happens” situations.
The best way to solve this problem is to stop believing in the perfect day and simply see marriage more holistically. If enough buyers quit demanding perfection, the cost of weddings will decrease and sellers will drop their prices to compete.
My wife and I recently evaded the debt bombs that surround getting hitched. We, too, ran into the “oh thank God they’re only charging $75 a plate,” having seen some places soar $200+, only to find out there was a minimum charge of $9,000 regardless of the number of guests we would invite.
We believe that most forms of debt should be avoided at all costs (acceptable debt falls into paying a mortgage that doesn’t strangle us, a car we can likewise afford, and paying our student loans). Debt and monetary issues are also widely touted as the #1 reason for marital stress, so why would we go into debt to be married? Our families could have afforded the price tag, but we refused to ask them to blow tens of thousands on a single afternoon.
The prices we sustained:
Her dress: about $400 bucks, J Crew has some “bridesmaid” dresses that are white / off white, and we found a lovely one.
My tux: $127 bucks, rental.
Dinner for our party of 6, ourselves included: paid by her family.
Our hotel room that night, including parking: $120ish.
Mini-honeymoon in Sonoma (wine country): about $250 including meals.
How to accommodate more than six guests? Consider that most families are scattered around the country. Fly your asses up there to see them instead of making all of them fly to you. We have a reception in WA state later this month and maybe another trip out to the East Coast, assuming my dad decides to talk to me / wants to meet my new wife.
Don’t lose your minds. Don’t buy in to the wedding racket BS. Your marriage will be fine and healthy even if you can’t make your wedding day “perfect.” I know that sounds far-fetched, but trust me. You’ll be ok if you don’t spend an arm and a leg (or your father-in-law’s, and leverage his first grandchild to boot).
May I recommend a wedding in Kauai?
Super cheap and easy for you and pretty much every one already has to fly. Why not fly to someplace warm and beautiful? And you’ll get to spend more time with the people closest to you, whether that’s at your actual wedding or at mini-receptions around the country.
Sgt:D - if only JCrew made bridesmaid/wedding dresses 5 years ago! Their style was exactly what I was looking for.
By the way, your wedding in Kauai was the best wedding to which I’d ever been. I felt like myself that week than I had all year and I had tons of fun with friends and family.
Chevas, regarding your final points in your comment above (reply to my reply), you’ll look forward to part 2.
The irony of this post is that my Google Ads are displaying thriftless wedding wares:
http://chev.as/blogimages/wedding_racket_irony.png
Have you considered Victoria, BC? Only a 3 hr Clipper ride for you and your guests (they serve mimosas!), and many amazing hotels for WAY less than you’d pay in the city. Vista 18 at the Chateau Victoria has an incredible view, private dining room for receptions, and is very reasonable, and the hotel has 2 room suites for $110/night USD.
I’ve had several friends get married in Seattle for less than $10k and the weddings were incredible…tons of tips online on how to keep costs down it just takes some thinking out of the box. Good luck!
This one cracked me up,
Good thing I got married 14 years ago, beat some inflation!
like all the thoughts on NO DEBT!
ps. me and angela did the “mini-honeymoon” and bought all our first sets of funiture with the cash we saved! Stick it, racketeers!